Dixie Chicks and Diabetics: The Cuts Continue

Posted: February 9, 2011 in Uncategorized

As much as I anticipated that I would feel great sorrow at this point in the process, today’s cuts came relatively easily. Here are some anecdotal recollections of the one-time friends.

In high school, I once hooked up with a Republican diabetic. Her youthful conservatism is only noteworthy because I grew up in a very liberal area and if you were looking to find mini Anne Coulters for make-out sessions, it was slim pickins. Ironically, I made out with this girl at a week-long political program in Washington D.C., even though she was from a town over from me and I knew her prior to the trip. The diabetic thing would have been even less relevant, but a rather provocative high school friend  heard we’d kissed and spread that fact around school (which would have been fine, because the girl was cute and I would have gained credibility if people knew we hooked up), replacing “hardly visible insulin pump” with “shit bag” in his rendering of the incident. So, instead of having hooked up with  a cute girl who happened to have diabetes and wore a tiny insulin pump, I’d hooked up with a girl who regularly defecated in the plastic bag that never left her side. Class move, pal. Ironically, I just went to the friend’s wedding and haven’t really talked to the high school hottie in eight years. Guess I won’t be talking to her anymore now that she’s cut…and appears to be in a serious relatioship.

During the political summer program I attended in high school (this was a longer program, as opposed to the brief 5 day one I just mentoned), I met this girl who, at the age of 17, had consciously and absolutely precisely adopted Jackie O’s fashion sense. Like down to the last detail emulation. She was Russian-born I think and seemed polished enough to be Mikhail Prokorhav’s personal assistant. Today she works in congress and I look forward to rekindling our friendship at some point in life. She does, however, mysteriously have two facebook profiles and one got cut. Also cut from that program was an at least formerly gorgeous Alabaman who briefly attended the Naval Academy. She was hot in that archetypical southern way (essentially blonde, leggy, and accented) and all of us aspiring politicos that summer at Georgetown wondered what the hell someone of her stature was doing in our presence. Haven’t talked to her since, but it appears she’s in a long-term monogamous relationship and I’ve since met other dimes from Dixie, so the novelty has worn off…Somewhat. I’m still secretly hoping I end up at Ole Miss Law next fall.

A year or two ago, I stumbled across a blog strictly devoted to chronicling anything and everything related to President Obama’s love of basketball. A family friend was, at the time, the principal of a school on Marthas Vineyard. He was attempting to reach out to the White House and provide Team Obama with a court to play on when he vacationed there. In believing I would be hooping with the POTUS himself, I started looking up stuff on the internets about Barack’s game and stumbled across this sweet website. I friended the site’s creator. But ultimately, Barry never balled at the school, so my tenuous connection to the proprietor of that site became completely meaningless and he just  got the axe.

Other Cuts: a childhood cellist who got bullied a lot as a kid but went on to become a star in track and physics once he got over his softy swag, a monotone little league teammate, the first Indian girl I met in elementary school, an optometry student and one-time Intramural basketball teammate, a D3 basketball fanatic who now teaches trumpet in New Mexico, a high school classmate who quite dubiously claimed that since he took boxing classes his fist was legally considered a dangerous weapon, and the third all-time leading scorer in UMass basketball history (no, he didn’t know me and yes, he’s on twitter, so I can follow his exploits in the Lithuanian league on another social media tool).

Cuts by my count to date: 146. Cuts to go: 354. Follow along on twitter: @500fewerfriends or e-mail 500fewerfriends@gmail.com.

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