Day 13: Lots of Cuts

Posted: February 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

Pretty straight forward today with the cuts. Here are descriptions for some of the newly removed.

During the summer before my freshman year of college, I lived on Marthas Vineyard and worked for a semi-upscale clothing store. I became quite close with the older of the owner’s two daughters and we still talk regularly all these years later. His younger daughter was quite cruel and may be a later cut, but since I’m close with the older daughter, she’s going to receive the benefit of the doubt for now. Plus, she was like 16 or 17 and when I ran into her in Union Square a year or two back, she seemed a lot more chill. I did, however, cut a pair of friends of the kinder daughter. They went to GW with her and during my freshman year I met them on a visit. One was a perfectly decent Jewish girl from L.A., but it’s almost certain I won’t encounter her again. The other was a rather tormented blonde who dated guys 10-15 years her senior and seemed obsessed with people taking herself seriously, an unfortunate mode of being than often afflicts girls who go to college in major metropolitan areas. Maybe if she’d  just gone to class in sweats and feigned like she cared about her mid-terms, I wouldn’t have been caught so off-guard by her arrogance. I haven’t seen her since, but I’d wager a guess that she’s dating a 44 year old and managing his charity on the side.

I cut three of my sister’s friends today. Two were friends of hers in elementary school and one she still speaks to today. I, however, do not. And this brings up an interesting facebook rule: it’s easy to cut the friends of siblings because if you ever want an update on their life, you can always just ask your sibling; your newsfeed doesn’t have to inform you. Anyhow, the one who she still talks to is married, has a changed name and a baby. She’s a great person, but all of these factors make cutting fairly free of emotional angst. The other girl who my sister was friends with in elementary school played basketball with us and my primary memory of her is that she always wore a House of Pain t-shirt. In sixth grade. That’s unique, but not worthy of being kept around in facebook perpetuity.  The third friend came by the house a few times and had local connections as well, since I believe she went to college in the area. She seemed perfectly nice and I think she was a singer of some sort. Still, I haven’t a clue as why I was friends with her.

There was an apparently controversial residential advisor to a number of my friends from their freshman year of college. I didn’t know her in that capacity. The fact that I did not is important to note. Here’s why: allegedly, one or more of her residents defecated in her room. I have heard so many rumors about who did it, why they did it, and what she did to apparently provoke it that it wouldn’t be worth speculating on what caused this whole thing to happen. All I know is that I had a number of brief encounters with the girl and she was extremely nice, but I also was close friends with quality and otherwise upstanding people who said that, as ghastly an act as that was, this might have been the lone individual on campus to have deserved it. I find that hard to believe, but apparently, there was an incredibly dark underbelly (no pun intended) to this whole story. I hate to recount it, since I don’t know any of the details, but I had to make note of it because it’s what always lingered in the back of my mind when I spoke with the poor girl. From my limited perspective, she was really cool. Anyway, the incident has nothing to do with her getting cut. Her removal is solely predicated upon her status as am engaged female whom I haven’t spoken with in almost five years.

Also cut: a girl who I have essentially no recollection of getting to know, a former student, a former high school classmate who dated a guy I went to both HS and college with, a former foul shooting ace from Wash.U’s first D3 final four team, one profile each for two individuals who transferred colleges but never removed their first college profile, a married former work colleague, and another teammate of my friend’s from that lovely small college outside of Orlando.

Counts to Date by my Count: 134. Counts to go: 356. Follow along on Twittr: @500fewerfriends. Feel free to comment on the blog itself or send feedback to Keep reading and spreading the word; it’s greatly appreciated.




  1. Not a FB friend says:

    Oh man the infamous Lee 3 shit. I laughed for days when I read about that. I always wanted to know what led to that, and now I’m even more curious.

  2. A single female says:


    Interesting experiment you have here. I’m curious about your tendency to cut engaged and married woman. Do you cut them because you are a happy, swinging single like myself and feel that you just don’t have much in common with these people any more? Or is it because these woman are hitched and you would never be able to reconnect with them for a date, sex, or what ever. Maybe it’s something entirely different or just a coincidental pattern.

  3. 05dml says:

    or is it because married people are boring? b/c based on my facebook feed, this is true. even more boring: people with kids. you should cut them all IMMEDIATELY. no, i don’t want to hear all about your baby’s poop, and, besides, your kid’s kind of ugly.

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