Day 8: Down Goes the Mayor! (and Other Cuts)

Posted: February 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

At least by my totals, 99 cuts have been made. One or two of those might have been people de-friending me, but I’m not sure. And now to the newly removed.


I got rid of my hometown’s (and current, temporary residence) mayor. I only recently added her, but she is widely believed to be a lame duck mayor, so provided I steer clear of any local zoning issues, it shouldn’t matter that we’re no longer virtual friends. Once, as a senior in high school, I campaigned against a proposed tax increase which would have saved money for schools and local services. My political ideology was essentially “contrarianism and a desire to piss off my parents and their friends.” I succeeded. A little over 9,000 votes were cast. The proposed increase was defeated. By one vote. I was quoted on the front page of the local paper the next day saying I voted NO “tepidly and reluctantly.” A couple weeks later, I went to the mayor’s office (the mayor had spearheaded the YES campaign) and gave her $30 to help make up the roughly $2 million budget deficit. No, really, I actually did that. I told her aide I voted “NO” on account of principle and the belief that people who couldn’t afford a tax override shouldn’t have to, but that since I could afford to give 30 big ones from my long-since depleted Bar Mitzvah account, I’d do my civic duty. As the secretary in Ferris Bueller’s day off might say, “what a little asshole.” I’m sure our six term mayor isn’t too sad to see me go.

I saw that another girl from my youth was engaged. She’s a nurse outside of Boston and no longer my facebook friend. I remembered that she, the girl who had the batting cage and another girl I ran cross country with were all friends in childhood. I cut the XC runner, but batting cage house girl still hangs on. She’s around because we were friends for a while, whereas I fell out with the other two years ago. Strangely enough, this new cut also dated my buddy who was in the bar mitzvah photo album with another married/cut girl. He was a serial monogamist throughout our youth and I’d imagine we’ll see a lot of his past loves get removed.

During the summer before my senior year of college I did an internship in DC. I spent a lot of time with a friend who lived in the posh, northern-Virginia suburb of Mclean, VA. She also had a nice house in Annapolis, Maryland. I had very solid sexual encounters at both of those sites with a childhood friend of hers, but quickly got involved in a relationship my senior year of college and we never really spoke again. Surprise surprise, she’s engaged. Have a nice life, doll.

I took one economics class in college as my quantitative reasoning requirement. Thank god it was taught by a guy who entered the field before it actually involved numbers because otherwise I’m not sure how I would have graduated. The professor was in his 80’s and considered by some to be the architect of trickle down economics. He served as a budget director for Reagan and was quite famous. This meant that his course on Business, Government and the Public attracted various campus conservatives who I otherwise might never have met. One was the President of College Republicans. She was quite bright and I liked her a lot. She lent me her notes before the final if I recall correctly. She just got married. And changed her name. Not that we’d talked in three years, but in case you see this, great wedding dress. The honeymoon looked fun too. Have a nice life.

Also cut: a close friend’s brief collegiate hook-up, a girl who transferred to Wash.U, only to transfer back to her original school a semester later, a pitcher from my first post-grad co-ed softball team, a girl who had a sweet party on the last day of school one year during high school but who has since married and changed her name, a former student’s 11 year old brother (limited profile, fear not), a kid who failed to file stories in a timely fashion when I was sports editor, and a quiet nice guy in a rival frat.

There were a few more, but I don’t feel like writing right now, so you’ll get them in the future.

Cuts: 99. Cuts Remaining: 401. Follow along on twitter: @500fewerfriends.

  1. Emily says:

    Wow. Narcissism much?

  2. CavalloRadio says:

    Knew it was coming… good memories though!

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